


You Saved Me... Why?

by Shane_for_Wax



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, pseudodysphagia, suffocation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6838666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shane_for_Wax/pseuds/Shane_for_Wax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane Shepard's thoughts during the beginning of the second Mass Effect game, when she is 'dying' over Alchera and wakes for the first time during the Lazarus Project headed by Miranda Lawson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Saved Me... Why?

**Author's Note:**

> Can be triggering for those who have a phobia of suffocation.

It was supposed to be a routine thing. Shane really should learn 'routine' and 'shakedown runs' were both warning signs. But, she didn't learn. Not until it was way, way too late.  

She could feel the oxygen escaping. Flares of thrusters could be seen out of the corner of her helmet as the escape pods moved away from the site of not an attack but an ambush. 

The Commander tried in vain to stop the air from leaving. There was nothing to be done. It was leaving her behind. So far behind. She couldn't breathe like she used to be able to. It was like climbing a mountain with ropes tightening constantly around your torso. 

_So this is how I go out. Not with a bang but a hiss unheard out in space. It's not even poetic. I don't... understand it. I can't. I won't. These things happen. Perhaps it was my real time. Maybe I should... join Kaidan. Let Ash... move on._

_Ash..._

_Liara..._

_Goddess I'm so sorry I... this shouldn't... have happened._

_Oh goddess I didn't think it would hurt this much. Why does it hurt this much? I would rather be... shot. Not this... suffocating business._

Her heartbeat jumped higher and higher as it tried to find the oxygen it needed. But there was none to be found. She was dying. Dying without a real goodbye to anyone. But she had saved them all. Joker, Liara, Ash, they'd all move on and have good lives. Perhaps they'd avenge her death. Who had attacked them anyhow? She didn't know. Probably wouldn't know. Unless you learned all that stuff after death. 

Her vision was going black, first at the corners then slowly moving in. No oxygen... it was gone. Carbon dioxide was filling her suit and expelling into space. She started hyperventilating against her will. She had to breathe. She needed oxygen.

_NO NO NO NO! I WON'T GO OUT LIKE THIS! I CAN'T! I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! I PROMISED HER! I PROMISED THEM ALL!_

But no matter how much she struggled and pleaded, she was dying. Her body was slowly shutting down system by system. A gurgle escaped her. She was dropping and dropping fast into the atmosphere of Alchera. It seemed cold down there. Not as cold as space, certainly. 

It then occurred to her. 

_Cold! Fuck! Oh holy... frostbite to end all... frostbite. No. No. Leave my body intact. Don't... don't make my body like my unit's... almost impossible to identify._

_Czarina, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I failed again. Please... Oh fuck._

_Liara... Ash... please look out for each other._

_I'm... sorry..._

Her vision went completely black. Her body went slack, arms dropping from where they were trying oh so hard to keep the oxygen from escaping the tube. 

_**“Commander Shepard has been recovered. The Lazarus Project will proceed as planned.”** _

It wasn't cold anymore. Why wasn't it cold? Wait, no, a different kind of cold. A voice. No, two. Panic. Concern. Insistence. The concern... female. They cared...? About this little street rat? 

_...Alive?_

No, not alive. Not really. Between life and death. The veil between the two planes was thin. It had to be. She wasn't fully in either world. 

"Dammit, Wilson. She's not ready yet. Give her the sedative. Shepard? Don't try to move."

So much concern. Why? For what purpose? What did it even matter? Shepard had broken too many promises.

Wait. Sedative? 

_NO NO NO! NOT AGAIN! NO! DON'T! I DON'T WANT T-- NO! PLEASE!_

No physical words but her heartbeat was going faster, blood pressure rising. More panic, more concern. 

"Just lie still. Try to stay calm."

_Calm?! You expect... No! Don't administ--- no! Please... oh fuck. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?_

The concerned voice the Marine heard turned to frustration, anger. In the haze from the sedative, Shepard could see the owner of the voice. Another slight touch to the wrist to calm the Commander, possibly. Or perhaps just a more physical way of checking pulse.

_...Why... do you... care? Just let me die and be with my unit... and Kaidan._

_Please..._

"Run the numbers again..." the voice was so distorted. Vision blackened again. 

_...Thank... you._


End file.
